The CM tells it like it is.

I was re-introduced to this picture on Hyperbole and a Half:

 

 Once again, it made me laugh so hard that people around me looked at me like they doubted my sanity. But seriously, I agree with Cookie Monster. Parents seem determined to wrap their kids in cotton these days. Working for an after school program, I caught myself the other day thinking about the appropriateness of "Hangman." The I gave myself a mental kick in the butt; of course it is. Every kid should know how to play Hangman.

Does it seem odd to anyone else that we let kids play a game where a metaphorical person's life hangs in the balance? I was playing with some of my third graders the other day, and I'm fairly certain the little shits were purposely guessing the wrong letters because they thought it was funny. How hard is it to guess "CANDY" for pete's sake? 

I have a sudden mental flash of the Coliseum with a bunch of grade schoolers in the stands, all pointing their thumbs down.

In other news, the download of "The Lost Mind of Dr. Brain" failed, but I found a download for the Dr. Quandary game instead. The picture is pixelated and incredibly shitty (my eyes almost hurt when I switched back to the regular desktop screen because of the sharpness) and for some reason there's no music, but I played it until I beat it anyway. I also found a download for "Lemmings," but I think that one is so old that there's no hope of it actually working on my computer ever.

Going back to Muppets, has everyone seen this?





Edit: While pointedly NOT working on a self-evaluation paper for speech, I ran across an online version of Lemmings. Success!

Things that make you feel like a doofus.

1. Pushing or pulling inappropriately when using a door.

This also includes pushing on the hinge side of the door. And why the hell do they put knobs on doors that you have to push to get through? I think building planners do it on purpose just so they have something to snicker about.

2. Thinking of something funny when you're walking by yourself and smiling or laughing to yourself.

This inevitably happens when you are around a lot of people. I don't mean walking-down-the-street busy, I mean sitting-in-a-bus-stop-when-it's-negative-one-bajillion-degrees-outside-so-everyone-is-crammed-together busy. And once I start thinking of something funny, I can't stop. Thank god for texting; I usually resort to whipping out my phone and pretending I'm having an amusing text convo with a witty friend.


Aaaand.... music!

I downloaded Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear from Amazon the other day. I like and recommend!




Also something that makes me feel silly: trying to say "Veckatimest." I can never remember what the album title actually is so end up saying something like "vicikaticest," which sounds like a villain off of SWAT Kats or some type of insect incest. If there is such a thing.

Ladies, you have another pocket.

Warning: I wrote this after almost twelve hours of working at the bookstore. I am not responsible for my actions at this point.

Cleavage: it's not merely a decoration anymore. It can be an easy access holder for a multitude of items, including...

1. Your cellphone.

I'd set it on silent or ring.


2. Money.

Just remember to fish it out BEFORE you get to the register. And carrying change may be awkward.

3. Keys.

For extra style, add a lanyard.

4. Books.

If you're worried about a misshapen chest, just put on a scarf. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

5. A waterbottle/coffee thermos.

Make sure that the lid is screwed on securely and is one of the no-leak ones unless you want to look like you lactated. If that was the look you were going for, I have no words.

6. Your lunch.

How do you like them apples?

Fun/Disgusting Things. Part I.

Pore strips

Despite the risk of letting it dry for too long and having to choose between skin grafts on your face and having the strip permanently attached to your schnoz, they are fun. I have recently become re-addicted in a futile attempt to clean out my gross nose pores. I don't know that they've helped at all, but I am nastily fascinated by the junk that is stuck to the strip when I finally get it off of my face.

Will there be a Part II to Fun/Disgusting Things? Maybe. If I remember.