Last Thursday, I got home after about 12 hours at the teaching hospital. All I wanted to do was watch Project Runway. I turned on my TV, and much to my surprise, I got up to channel 22 and then everything jumped to channel 89. Much as I would love to watch men sell crystal-encrusted watches, the channel I really wanted was 31.
As I had this channel the previous day, I was a bit confused. After plugging and unplugging my cable box with no change, I called Comcast and asked. I was assured that I was getting all of the channels that I had signed up for. I was a bit cranky after my day so I'm afraid that I raged a bit at the customer service rep. I apologized profusely afterwards, but I still feel really bad about it.
Since I didn't think that I should talk to any real people that night, I sent an email to Comcast instead inquiring as to why I wasn't getting all of my TV channels (as I had signed up for the package that included Lifetime and Food Network - just the essentials, really). The next day I was sent an email directing me to go to the online chat.
I just got around to that today. Here's how the conversation went*:
Analyst1: Thanks for spending money with Comcast. What's your problem?
Me: Well, I'm getting a different service package than what I thought I was supposed to be getting. Right now I'm getting basic cable, and I wanted the package that cost the same but had the expanded digital channels.
Analyst1: Thanks for providing that information. Please wait on the line while I do mysterious things at my computer and don't talk to you for five minutes.
Analyst1: It says here on our file that you spoke to a customer service rep.
Me: That's correct. He told me that I was getting all of the channels that I was supposed to be getting, but when I went back and looked at my bill I saw that I was getting something other than what I signed up for.
Analyst1: So what exactly did the rep tell you? What channels are you getting now.
Me: The digital basic channels.
This went on for approximately ten more minutes.
Analyst1: Your problem is with your cable package. I'm really sick of dealing with you, so I'm going to transfer you to that department so that they can give you the runaround for a bit.
Analyst1: Hold on. They're on coffee break, but don't close your browser window and don't leave your computer.
Analyst2: Hello. What can I help you with today?
Me: I'm not getting the TV package that I thought I signed up for. I'm getting digital basic and want the expanded channels. Here's my account number and my address. Please change my package.
Analyst2: Let me just look up your information. I might take a pee break, but stay on the line.
Several minutes later...
Analyst2: I see that you're getting digital basic.
Me: Yes. I told you that.
Analyst2: What channels are you getting?
Me: Up to 22 and then it jumps to 89. I would like the expanded channels please.
Analyst2: You're getting the channels you should be getting. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: I. WANT. TO. SWITCH. TO. A. DIFFERENT. CABLE. PACKAGE.
Analyst2: Ah! I understand your concern.
Analyst2: I can't help you with that today. Is it alright if I switch you to sales?
Me: The last person told me that you would be able to take care of this.
Analyst2: I'm going to switch you now. Please stay on the line.
Dammit.
Cherrylyn: Hello! What can I help you with?
Me: Give me the digital expanded channels. Give them to me right now before I come over to the local Comcast office and stab someone with a rusty knife.
Cherrylyn: Let me check your account.
Me: Or a rusty spoon. Perhaps a spork.
Cherrylyn: I can switch you to the expanded cable. There will be a service change charge of $1.99. Is that acceptable?
Me: Whatever. Do it.
Cherrylyn: Thank you! I will make that change right now.
Cherrylyn: Do you have any questions for me?
Me: Are you a stripper?
*Most of this is made up. Though I did talk to the Comcast folks and get bounced around to several departments. NOT. HAPPY.
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