The CM tells it like it is.

I was re-introduced to this picture on Hyperbole and a Half:

 

 Once again, it made me laugh so hard that people around me looked at me like they doubted my sanity. But seriously, I agree with Cookie Monster. Parents seem determined to wrap their kids in cotton these days. Working for an after school program, I caught myself the other day thinking about the appropriateness of "Hangman." The I gave myself a mental kick in the butt; of course it is. Every kid should know how to play Hangman.

Does it seem odd to anyone else that we let kids play a game where a metaphorical person's life hangs in the balance? I was playing with some of my third graders the other day, and I'm fairly certain the little shits were purposely guessing the wrong letters because they thought it was funny. How hard is it to guess "CANDY" for pete's sake? 

I have a sudden mental flash of the Coliseum with a bunch of grade schoolers in the stands, all pointing their thumbs down.

In other news, the download of "The Lost Mind of Dr. Brain" failed, but I found a download for the Dr. Quandary game instead. The picture is pixelated and incredibly shitty (my eyes almost hurt when I switched back to the regular desktop screen because of the sharpness) and for some reason there's no music, but I played it until I beat it anyway. I also found a download for "Lemmings," but I think that one is so old that there's no hope of it actually working on my computer ever.

Going back to Muppets, has everyone seen this?





Edit: While pointedly NOT working on a self-evaluation paper for speech, I ran across an online version of Lemmings. Success!

Nostalgia: it's what's for breakfast.

I was in Ashwaubenon this morning officiating for a swim meet. It was towards the end of the meet; I was sitting at the end of the pool (probably not paying as much attention as I should have, but it was the 500 free; sue me) when I heard a certain melody.

Ever been sitting somewhere and heard a snippet of song that took you back? Well, one of the parents sitting behind me had Chopin's Mazurka as her ring tone. This did not whisk me away to a dark concert hall, or to a piano lesson, or even to my dorm room as I listen to my Chopin Pandora station. Nope. Instead, I was reminded of one of the most awesome computer games I had the privilege of playing as a kid: The Lost Mind of Dr. Brain.

I have very fond memories of this game. The premise is that you are trying to piece together the mind of the great scientist, Dr. Brain, after a failed experiment. Why anyone would want to switch their mind with a rat (even one named Rathbone) is beyond me, but it made a pretty kick-ass game. There were memory puzzles, music puzzles, spatial problems, and a sort-of cross between a Rubik's cube and Boggle. I attribute my knowledge of the periodic table abbreviations to the Pentode.

I've been wallowing a lot in childish things lately. Maybe "wallowing" is a poor word choice. It's really more like "reveling." And by "childish things" I don't mean tantrums and Barbies, which I never actually played with as a kid. I mean kid's books, puzzles, cartoons. You know, all the awesome stuff we remember from when we were young. Getting my hands on children's books is a snap, thanks to Borders. Every time I close during a weekday, the last few hours is painfully boring. So, instead of doing something useful with my time, I've been grabbing a book off of the shelf, plonking myself down behind the register, and reading.


Books read so far:

How to Train Your Dragon Book 3: How to Speak Dragonese
Mr. Popper's Penguins
A Series of Unfortunate Events books 2 & 3
Some other Lemony Snicket book involving a talking latke
A Wind in the Door


Occasionally I peek around the corner or above the counter to see if anyone has come into the store. There has not been thus far, which is a good thing since I probably look like a complete weirdo trying to play peek-a-boo with customers. On the other hand, it would give someone a really entertaining story.

P.S. There's a series of YouTube videos of some guy playing through the entire "Lost Mind of Dr. Brain" computer game. I shit you not. The guy narrating tries to make upping the difficulty level a feat of badassery. Hilarious.

Things that make you feel like a doofus.

1. Pushing or pulling inappropriately when using a door.

This also includes pushing on the hinge side of the door. And why the hell do they put knobs on doors that you have to push to get through? I think building planners do it on purpose just so they have something to snicker about.

2. Thinking of something funny when you're walking by yourself and smiling or laughing to yourself.

This inevitably happens when you are around a lot of people. I don't mean walking-down-the-street busy, I mean sitting-in-a-bus-stop-when-it's-negative-one-bajillion-degrees-outside-so-everyone-is-crammed-together busy. And once I start thinking of something funny, I can't stop. Thank god for texting; I usually resort to whipping out my phone and pretending I'm having an amusing text convo with a witty friend.


Aaaand.... music!

I downloaded Veckatimest by Grizzly Bear from Amazon the other day. I like and recommend!




Also something that makes me feel silly: trying to say "Veckatimest." I can never remember what the album title actually is so end up saying something like "vicikaticest," which sounds like a villain off of SWAT Kats or some type of insect incest. If there is such a thing.

A post in which Katy whines.

Morose is a good word. I think it's a pretty good description of my mood lately. I don't really know what is causing my morose-ness (Morosity? Morosivity?). And I seem to fluctuate between feeling fine and feeling not quite happy.

Maybe I'm lonely. That's stupid, since I have wonderful friends in the area, but it's possible.

The other possible reason is that, once again, I've forgotten how to say "no." I'm doing a lot of stuff right now, including volunteer work with a few animal rescue/adoption organizations, taking classes, and working two jobs. And I don't really want to give any of it up, for various reasons.

I actually LIKE working in the book store; I like books, and I like it when people ask me for a suggestion. The other day I sold a copy of A Wrinkle in Time to a woman who was buying the Pretty Little Liars series for her niece. Now I know that that little girl has at least one good book for Christmas! My other job hasn't really started yet, but I'll be running "Centers" for an after school program in Menasha. From my understanding I'll be running "fun" learning activities. I'm feeling alternately capable and overwhelmed when it comes to this job; I don't have any set protocols or activities since the guy who ran this last year sucked royally. I think the "overwhelmed" is contributing a lot to my current blue funk. I know that I can ask anyone in the program for assistance, but I've always been self-reliant and I hate asking for help. Stupid but true.

The volunteering should probably be the first thing I cut down on, but I would feel like a terrible person for doing it. I've also convinced myself that it will help me get into vet school, even though I've already sent in my applications.

I'm finding classes at UWO... frustrating. That's all I'm going to say on THAT matter.

I'm probably spreading myself too thin. But I've always done too many things at once so doing less makes me feel restless. Right now I just don't feel quite satisfied, and I'm probably trying to keep myself busy to cover it up.

Sorry for everyone who was looking for an amusing post; I'm feeling lame today. I'm going to go make some banana bread now. That always makes life better.

Ladies, you have another pocket.

Warning: I wrote this after almost twelve hours of working at the bookstore. I am not responsible for my actions at this point.

Cleavage: it's not merely a decoration anymore. It can be an easy access holder for a multitude of items, including...

1. Your cellphone.

I'd set it on silent or ring.


2. Money.

Just remember to fish it out BEFORE you get to the register. And carrying change may be awkward.

3. Keys.

For extra style, add a lanyard.

4. Books.

If you're worried about a misshapen chest, just put on a scarf. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

5. A waterbottle/coffee thermos.

Make sure that the lid is screwed on securely and is one of the no-leak ones unless you want to look like you lactated. If that was the look you were going for, I have no words.

6. Your lunch.

How do you like them apples?

Everyone is getting books for Christmas.

I am in a love-hate relationship with Borders. The love is because I crave books almost as much as I crave caffeine. Almost. The hate is because of the inability of my manager to schedule me for a consistent number of hours/remember when I have class and can't work/give me any hours at all/not suck at life.

Por ejemplo: This week we are setting up the bookstore, which requires a lot of work from everyone and a ton of time; everyone who was hired specifically for the Borders Express was scheduled from 8-5 Monday through Friday. After I received the schedule, I emailed Helen (the business area manager because our store doesn't actually have its own manager) and explained that I had class on Tuesdays and Thursdays until 11:10, so would get to the store around noon. Tuesday morning, 8:30 AM, I get a call asking where I am. WHAT.

Ejemplo numero dos: I am scheduled for six hours next week. Six. Everyone else is scheduled for 20+. I am not normally one to use textisms, but WTF. I have picked up another job, but it will be roughly three hours daily Monday through Thursday, and does not interfere with the 9 to 3 shift. I repeat, WTF.

I am hoping that things get better. If they don't I am purchasing as many books as my greedy self can handle (that's a lot, especially with the employee discount) and kissing retail goodbye.

Now that I think about it, I might not be making enough at Borders to support my book habit. I have a fairly extensive list of things that I lusted over while unpacking/sorting this past week:

• Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
• Every book written by Chuck Palahniuk
• A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
• A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalad Hosseini
• Dracula: The Undead by Dacre Stoker
• Every book I don't already own by Orson Scott Card
• Lots more books that I can't think of right now

You get the picture.