You LISTEN to this stuff? Voluntarily!?

Welp, it's 11:30 at night, and my brain is refusing to shut down.

Blogging! It's fun!

Earlier today, I heard a cover of David Bowie's "Heroes" on the radio. It was one of the most awful things my brain has ever had to process. (The reason why it is rebelling now, perhaps?) Seriously, if you sound like an anemic emo kid, don't touch Bowie. Don't  think about Bowie. Don't even look at an album cover; like the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders, it will melt your brain with sheer awesomeness.

You rock those stripes, DB.

After flipping through all of my preset channels to find nothing except for diamond store commercials, I resigned myself to listening to the whiny kid with black fingernails. I almost switched to a Kessler ad. Almost. I thought to myself, "Why do people redo awesome songs? Most of the time they make me want to stab myself with a rusty nail."

Like Lenny Kravitz's remake of "American Woman." Awful. Just... fucking awful. The original, boys and girls, was by a band called The Guess Who. Listen to the original and marvel at its non-suckfulness.



I love the beginning.

Another memorable one was Limp Bizket's sad imitation of "Behind Blue Eyes." One: you cut out the amazing bridge in the middle of the song and replaced it with some synthesized voice. Two: you fail at life.

AND the original in all its Who-ness and glory.



Bonus points for it being live and rocking way more than synthesizers. And for the fringe.

And whoever did that remix with "Breakfast in America." Gross. For those of you who don't know, "Breakfast in America" is a Supertramp song. Supertramp was also the group responsible for "Give a Little Bit," not the Goo Goo Dolls, though they did it justice.



To be fair, there are some non-crapful remakes out there. Zoo Sarah and I had a lot of discussions about music, and I tend to agree with her opinion on remakes. If you are going to redo a song, make it your own, because if you try to imitate the original it will fall short. Be original, dammit, and put your own spin on it. Every college cover band knows how to play "Wonderwall," but how many bands out there play an Irish punk version of it?

That was just an example, by the way. But I would be interested to hear any Oasis song done with a bodhran. Or bagpipes.

Because I'd prefer to end on a positive note, here are some songs NOT performed by their original artist that I sort of like. There's even a song by David in there.







Credit for the drawings go to Allie Brosh and her blog Hyperbole and a Half which is amazing and makes me silent-cry-laugh every time I read it.

Edit: The remake of "American Pie" by Madonna was also an act of heinous fuckery. I'm adding one more item to my list of rules for doing a decent remake: DON'T CUT OUT HALF THE SONG, especially when the lyrics are all meaningful and fantastic. Who gives a flying fart in space if it's long? Do they play the original by Don McLean? You betcha.