I have delusions of grandeur.

At the book store, we recently received an "oops" shipment of bargain books. These books were labeled as "hurts;" for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, it refers to stock that has been damaged in some way or has some slight flaw. Since these books were an additional 75% off and it was incredibly slow because the rest of the state was watching a Packer game, I decided to take a wander through the shelves.

I ended up purchasing several books, three of which were food books of some sort. The first was the Top Chef Quickfire Challenge Cookbook:

With this purchase I envisioned myself running around a shiny kitchen while tending to three simmering pots while roasting vegetables in the oven and toasting cumin seeds in a pan. Like Richard Blais, Rick Moonen, or Marcel Vigneron. Though in my fantasy my hair did NOT vaguely resemble a chocolate chip.

The next book I picked up was the Irish Pub cookbook.

This time, I envisioned myself knitting or doing some other incredibly domestic craft while a large pot of stew wafts aromas throughout the house and bread rises on the counter.


The last book I picked up was the Stonewall Kitchen Appetizers cookbook.

Picture, if you will, me as the hostess of a party; I dash effortlessly between the kitchen and main room, keeping plates filled and mingling with guests while looking elegant in a cocktail dress and heels.

Or did this already happen?

The answer to that question is "no," by the way.

Taking a bite out of the Little Apple.

At the end of this weekend, I will have driven (drum roll please)... one thousand, three hundred ninety-nine miles (or roughly twenty-five hours). That's a LOT of miles on my car in four days.

And for those of you English language sticklers, yes, I should have written the mileage number as numerals; it's just way more impressive when written out.

Why did I drive such an insane amount? For a vet school interview, of course! Earlier today I interviewed at Kansas State University in Manhattan (Kansas). I went into this interview/other activities hoopla completely prepared to be unimpressed. I was convinced otherwise. Though I had looked over the curriculum, mission statement, ethical code, blah blah blah on the KSU website, I was really impressed in person as well. Which, sadly, was not the case at ISU. While I love my alma mater and will always consider myself a Cyclone, I would pick the vet school at KSU over the one at ISU at this point.

I was talking to another person who had interviewed at Iowa State after both of us had finished up our respective KSU interviews. I asked her what she thought of the ISU interview. She shared her thoughts. I shared mine. I'll spare you the sordid details of our conversation, but we both agreed that this, based on the questions that we were asked, should be included in the series of questions asked to next years batch of vet school hopefuls: "Describe a time when you completely failed at life." But really, that question would be redundant. Between the two of us, we were asked to describe a time when we failed, had to break a promise, were creative and failed, and felt that we were in a situation that we couldn't deal with. 

Biggest difference between the ISU and KSU interview: I didn't feel like shit on the bottom of a shoe after I left the interview room. I actually felt good about myself, and that perhaps I actually had a shot of getting a spot next year.

To continue with the tradition of leaving you with something totally unrelated at the bottom of the post, here are a few samplers made by Steotch on Etsy. 

I first ran across this one on a post on regretsy, and am insanely jealous of it:

Then there's this one. Notice the mushroom in the cornucopia:

Nothing says "no sexual harassment, please" like needlepoint:

And my personal favorite:

For those of you who don't get the last one, watch this video on YouTube. All will be made clear. Possibly clear enough for a triple rainbow.

Note: I'm aware that the type is stupidly large for this post. For reasons unknown the default type is turning out to be stupidly small, so I chose the lesser of two evils.

A Guy's Guide To Dating Katy

...not that I'm dating anyone. Or have had a date in quite some time. *sigh*

Pardon me while I go get my tub of cookie dough.

Okay, but honestly, first dates are always painfully awkward and for the most part pretty awful; so why am I sighing over it? I have this theory that dating is like childbirth. As soon as it's over, you forget the pain, which is necessary if people were to ever reproduce... or... date.

Maybe that comparison isn't the best, but I think you get my point. Anyway. Ahem.

Rules for Dating

1. If I am dancing to an 80's song, don't try to dance on me.

I like to be free and uninhibited while dancing to "Living on a Prayer," thank you.

2. Don't open car doors for me all of the time.

If I'm in a nice dress, fine. Otherwise I am perfectly capable of opening up my own door. I have arms. With hands. Which you have probably noticed if we're going out.

3. Don't call me "baby."

I am an adult, not a child or an infant. If thinking of the latter rocks your boat, eww.

4. Do be a nerd.

Being a nerd means that you are unashamed to be uninhibitedly enthusiastic about things. Which also probably means that you have more fun than "cool" people. I know that I certainly do.

5. You will watch Disney movies.

Again, not really a rule. But you will watch Disney movies. And you will like it.

6. Feel free to make fun of me.

I do it to myself all the time. Obviously.

7. If you're buying a drink for me, make it delicious beer.

And Bud, Miller, and Coors are crap. Craft beer is where it's at, yo.

There you have it, loyal readers and randos who stumble upon the internet schizophrenia that is my blog. Yet another ridiculous post that has nothing to do with vet school.

Anyone else notice that I'm no longer labeling my posts? Yet another victim of laziness. That and they had nothing to do with content and there was no consistency.

Yes, I am a slacker.

Hey, folks. I realized that other day that I neglected to post that I had a few more interviews! Or maybe just one more; did I tell you guys that I had an interview at Kansas State? Anyway, I have one coming up at KSU at the beginning of January and then another at Western U in California at the end of January. Hopefully I feel better about these afterward than I did about my interview at ISU...

So... um... YouTube!

It is ALWAYS your fault.

Some people are wonderful around the holidays. They are cheerful, nice to others, and generally act like decent human beings.

Others are not.

Two Saturdays ago was a particularly fun time at Borders. It was an incredibly busy time of the day and I was the only one working. There were about five people in line, and I was trying to check people out as well as help someone on the phone.

The woman on the phone was pissed because she was trying to order things on borders.com and was having issues. The issues were caused by some updates that corporate was doing on the website (don't ask me what; I am a lowly peon). The problem was that she had an online coupon for 33% off that expired the next day and she wanted to use it NOW. She had called the customer service hotline and they had told her that they weren't sure when the website would be functional again.

So she called a very small temporary store to complain.

Does this seem insane to anyone else?

After I had checked out the second-to-last person I tried to finish up with the angry woman on the phone only to be interrupted by the last woman in line. Since the first words out of her mouth were, "Isn't anyone going to help me?" I could tell that this was going to be really fun.

I will spare you the gory details and sum up what her problem was. She had ordered some books "a month ago" (a week in reality; I checked the date) and was angry that they weren't in yet. Unfortunately she had placed her order when corporate was once again screwing with the website so it didn't complete and the order was never officially placed. Over the course of trying to help her, said angry customer called me a "stupid kid," told me that she didn't have time to wait because she had Huntington's and did I know what Huntington's is (I said "yes" which probably didn't help matters anyway but I was getting annoyed myself), and accused me of ruining her and her family's Thanksgiving/Christmas/holidays/existence in general.

I finally called the guy who was on break to come in and help me with her. She calmed down, and we promised to order the books for her when the website was back up; we would call her and get her credit card information over the phone, and everything would be settled.

Wrong.

So the phone number she gave us was wrong; when dialed, all you get is an "out of service" message. She didn't provide an email address, and was having the books shipped to the store so we can't send her a letter (which is ridiculous anyway). I do not want to be in the store when she comes back in. And if I am, I'm calling security because I was a little afraid that she was going to hit me last time.

Other fun situations are people blaming me for an order getting lost, a book not being in stock or being sold out, and an order not getting delivered in time for Christmas, all of which are things that are completely beyond my control and most certainly not my fault.

After the fact, I've come up with some replies to the above situations:

"Actually, I have that book in the back, but it's part of my personal stock. Maybe if you had been a bit more pleasant, but nooooooo. I'm certainly not going to do you any favors now."

"You mean that was your package? Well, dang. I paid the delivery guy to toss it out the window on the highway because I was pretty sure that a mob dummy company had sent it. They have a hit out on me, you know." (To be said while looking around furtively)

"You're ordering a book now and want it in time for Christmas? Not a problem. Let me just assemble my magical flying warthogs with this conch shell and they'll have it to you in a jiffy."

"We had it in stock, but I deliberately sold the last one a few minutes ago because I knew that you were coming in for it and really wanted to shit all over your day."

And my personal favorite:

"Order the damn books at home, bitch."

Moral of the story: be nice to cashiers and people working in stores lest you get a snarky blog post written about you.

Winter cometh to Wisconsin. Also Christmas spirit.

I've been thinking about how to format this post for a while (yes, I do actually think about these things) which is why this post is happening about a week after the event. I've decided to title it...

Reasons Why My Friends Are Awesome: 

A Tale Told in Pictures 

(except where there weren't any for that bullet point... 

just read the damn blog post)

1. They plan cookie baking parties and up the ante by making it a boozy ugly-Christmas-sweater cookie baking party.

2. And they wear the aprons that you bring along.

3. As well as some other ones the hostess has lying around...

... while flying a toy helicopter.

4. When you decide that you want some calories that are not A) derived from baked goods or B) from alcohol and order Jimmy Johns, they put together a bag of cookies for the delivery guy and serenade him in ugly sweaters, then hint that the cookies may or may not be poisoned (*cough Jenna cough*).

5. They watch children's Christmas specials with you and agree with comments like "Santa's an asshole."

6. Bailey's and hot chocolate. And vino. Thanks friends.

7. They know what the FSM is and don't laugh at you for making a FSM cookie. (I was touched by his noodly appendage...)

8. They join in the nerdiness by making a "God of Cake" tribute cookie. Which totally doesn't look anything like the picture.

Cookie.

Real drawing.

Cookie.

Real drawing.

9. They make eating a cookie a punishment for being the drunkest at the end of the "Elf" drinking game. Not because it was felt that there should be a punishment, but because we really wanted to see someone's mouth after they ate the vampire cookie. 

Seriously though, that was some really intense color on that bad boy.



7. They help you dig out your car at 7 AM after having 12+ inches of snowfall...

8. ...laugh at you when your snowball totally backfires... 

8. ... and tackle you into the snow for the hell of it.

Good job, everybody. Shenanigans complete; that's a wrap.

Credit for all pictures goes to Libby because I neglected to charge my camera battery.

A Short Blog Post of Jubilation

I took my algebra final today, and gave my final speech. I'm done with mindless classes with immature freshmen! Hurrah!

How am I celebrating? Well, I've danced around my kitchen to "The Dog Days are Over" by Florence + the Machine a few times, and I have obtained a tub of cookie dough and a mug of coffee with a smidge of Bailey's.

Excellent.